ST. LOUIS—Officials at Metro announced today that in the face of an ongoing budget crunch, MetroBus and MetroLink service will be replaced with a new, more economically friendly service: MetroCow.
“Frankly, our existing MetroBus service does not run frequently enough to be a viable way to get around the city, especially when a transfer is necessary,” said Metro spokesman Jim Sloe. “Realizing that any further cuts to service would make the system nearly useless, particularly after rush hour, we decided this was nearly as good.”
MetroCow service is expected to roll out as soon as next month. Saddle-wearing cows will wander slowly through the streets of St. Louis. Instead of fare cards and transfers, riders will be able to purchase lassos at any former MetroLink stop (now called “MetroCorrals”) or Schnucks store, which they can use to “flag down” their rides to work.
Commuters interviewed by this reporter at MetroLink and MetroBus stops about the new service mostly expressed resignation. “Of course I’ll ride MetroCow,” said Walnut Park resident Theresa George-Barnett. With service being what it is, it’s not like anyone who has a choice rides Metro, and I don’t have a choice.”
George-Barnett’s sentiments were echoed by Carondelet resident Andrew Van Doren Shaw, who commented, “Riding a filthy cow around the city at a couple of miles an hour to get home from the grocery store? Well, it’s probably not any slower than using buses that only run once an hour after 6pm. Better make sure I get apples while I’m at the store from now on.”
Image: In the coming weeks, Metro will phase in the MetroCow logo on signage, before removing MetroBus and MetroLink images altogether.